Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Friday, July 15, 2011

Toh main ye rishta pakka samjhu

Amitabh : Mausi, ladka company main kaam karta hai. 

 Mausi : Hai ram..!!! aur kahi try kar raha hai kya?? 

Amitabh : kahan mausi 1 saal company me rahne ke baad koi Comapny leti kahan hai... 

Mausi : Hi Raam to kya 1 saal se company me hi hai.. 

Amitabh : haan socha tha 1 saal me salary hike hogi hi. Par aaj kal to salary bhi jyada NAHI mil rahi hai usko.. 

Mausi : To kya salary BHI KAM milti HAI..? 

Amitabh : Ab apraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi.. 

Mausi : Hai hai ...!! To kya apraisal bhi nahi hota uska..? 

Amitabh : Senior se ladai karne ke baad apraisal mein achhi rating to nahin na milti hai... mausi.. 

Mausi : To kya ladta bhi hai..? 

Amitabh : Ab der raat tak ghar jaane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi kabhi haatha-pie.. 
Mausi : To kya der raat tak ghar bhi nahin jataa..??? 

Amitabh : Ab company walon ki kismat mein to yehi likha hai mausi.. 

Mausi : kya ladka engineer hai..!!! 

Mausi : Kaunse college se kiya..? 

Amitabh : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge!! 

Amitabh : To main rishta pakka samjhu na mausi??? 

Mausi : Beta, kan khol kar sun le... Bhale hi hamaari Basanti Call center vale se shaadi kar le, par company ke engineer se katai nahin manzoor. Mai uski mausi hu, dushman nahi...... 

Friday, May 29, 2009

One of the Best come-back line EVER

For those who don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'


General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent.


Friday, May 22, 2009

Humor

One day A blonde girl was running out to check her mail and a neighbor was watching. 5 minutes later she checked it again - this happened all through the day till the neighbor went outside and stopped her and asked her why she kept looking in her mail box and her reply was.

"My computer keeps telling me I have mail!"


A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."
"Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."
The factory owner said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."

A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked.
Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door.
Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?"
"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.

Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."


A First Class Manager (FCM) is going thru' a forest one evening when his car breaks down. He looks around and finds a lone house. He knocks the door which is opened by a stunning woman.
FCM: Can I spend the night at your place?
Woman: Well. I live alone.
FCM: I'm an honourable man, a FCM.
Woman: I got only one bed.
FCM: No problem. I'm an honourable man, a FCM.
Woman: I go to bed naked.
FCM: No problem. I'm an honourable man, a FCM.
Woman: Be my guest, FCM.
Next morning while leaving, FCM finds the woman busy with her poultry.
FCM: Good birds you got there.
Woman: Yeah.
FCM: How many cocks and how many hens?
Woman: Two hundred hens, one cock..
FCM: But I can see over a dozen cocks around.


Woman: Only one cock over there. The others are first class managers.

Santa was visiting the big city for the first time. He checks in at the hotel, and the bell boy takes his bags.
He follows the boy, and as the door closes, he looks around and shakes his fist at him. `Young man, I may be from the village and unfamiliar with the city, but that don`t mean I`m stupid! I paid good money, and this room won`t do at all! It`s too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there`s not even a bed!`
The bellboy looks at Santa and says, `Sir, this isn`t your room, it`s the elevator!`

One day there was this blonde that pulled up to a gas station. She filled her car with gas then went to the gas station clerk. Then she asked him for a hanger. The clerk asked her why and she replied that she locked her keys in the car. So the clerk gave the blonde the hanger.
Thirty minutes later the clerks sees the same blonde outside. So the clerk decides to help them out.
The blonde says, "No thanks."
All of a sudden there was another blonde in the car saying, "A little bit to the left."

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.
"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.

A new Sardar employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. No, it's not the usual caps-lock problem.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," He says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," He says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Telephone bill - this is classic !!!

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting...
On a Saturday morning... after breakfast...

Dad:

People this is unacceptable.
You have to limit
the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum:

Same here,
I hardly use this home telephone as I
use my work telephone.


Son:
Me too, I never use the home phone.
I always use
my company mobile.


Maid:

So - what is the problem?
We all use our work
telephones !!!!!

Kabhi Chakkar Aye Hein???

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

awesome Khyal for Din

‘100 years ago, they said that when a black man became president, pigs would fly.
On the 100th day of Obama's Presidency, Swine Flew.’

Monday, April 20, 2009

WHY THE AMERICAN ECONOMY FELL OFF THE CLIFF

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 am.

While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA)

was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG)

He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE)

and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA)

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA)

he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO)

to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN)

to the radio (MADE IN INDIA)

he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY)

filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia)

and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (made in MALAYSIA),

John decided to relax for a while.

He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL), poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE)

and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA),

and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job in AMERICA

AND NOW HE HOPES THAT HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT BORN IN KENYA

SO, ONLY U CAN SAVE THE ECONOMIC CRISIS IN INDIA BY BUYING THINGS THAT ARE ONLY “MADE IN INDIA” !!!!!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Monk story

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

. . . But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Only in Pakistan...!!!

The Haircut

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, about 2 hours.'

The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'

The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half.'

The guy left.

The barber turned to a friend and said, 'Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back.'

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked, 'So where does that guy go when he leaves?'

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, 'Your house.'

Friday, March 13, 2009

The Rabbit & The Snake

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned Bunny
and an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.

I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

It's quite ok," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is as yours. I
too have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are so
at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony
tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you, thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." So the Bunny
felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you've a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be a team leader, a supervisor or possibly someone in senior
management."

Hearing this, the snake felt a surge of raw emotion through it… it wrapped itself tightly around the bunny, squeezed it thin to the extent that the bunny really felt he was being dealt with by a senior manager and vowed never ever to offer to feel someone all over again!

Friday, March 06, 2009

IT vani !!!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

With a twist of lime....

Ticklers.............

Send a Pink Chaddi to Muthalik on V-Day. Let's do it. It's a
Panty-social activity.

CJI wants separate prison for undertrials. We already have one. It's
called parliament.

Surgeons on strike in Cuttack. I had told you that they'd
misunderstand the term 'surgical strikes'.

Election Commissioner, Chawla, took frequent Loo breaks to pass on info
to the Congress. Well, he did say that he's going for a 'leak'.

The Ram Sena "activists" are bailed out & nobody cares once the
ceremonial arrests were made. After all, the pub's name is "Amnesia".

MNS now ransack a social sciences lab. Well, we knew they were
anti-social, but this is taking it too literally.

100% literacy programme inaugurated for prisoners in TN. First they
get a sentence. Then they are taught words.

Art market down by 30%. Sigh. A picture is now worth only 700 words.

Satyam CFO claims he had no idea of the fraud and blindly signed the
papers put in front of him. Who does he think he is? Our President?

Mallya says he still hasn't decided if Dravid will continue as the
captain of RCB. You could say - he is sitting on the wall.

China blocks 41 porn sites. They now have only about 14,999,959 sites to go.

Master plan being developed for management of all zoos in Karnataka.
Hope Vidhan Soudha comes under its purview.

ONGC is participating in the oil strike. Err... weren't they set up to
strike oil???

PM asks Navy to guard against water terrorists. Good. Now they know their job.

A Ghajini video game is to be launched soon. Wonder how much memory it
will take.

Bangalore cops to get soft-skills training so that they avoid abusive
language. Good. Time to remove the sala out of Hoysala

Delhi imposed a 'no honking day' on Jan 1. That's like declaring a 'no
coughing day' and calling it a health initiative.

Chhattisgarh government to provide free iodized salt. All the people
in that state can now say, "Sarkar, maine aapka namak khaya hai".

Saif in hospital with a stomach ache. Why is that news? Ah well, at
least Ramadoss could use this information to ban Lays potato chips.

Mayawati is going to celebrate her birthday as Dhikkaar Diwas (day of
shame). Am sure her parents would agree with that.

Thackeray equates Sena-BJP ties with husband-wife bickering. Sure. The
family that preys together slays together.

Sonam Kapoor to endorse L'Oreal. A natural step after her debut movie
Saawariya, which was La-Ordeal.

PMK urges Karunanidhi to declare total prohibition in TN. This
Ramadoss seems to have a big alcohol problem.

Jet Airways Pilot detained at Heathrow for being drunk. So this guy
earns from Goyal and spends on Mallya.

I love watching test cricket. Does that make me a pro-testant?

Sheila Dikshit takes the oath for the third time. Does that make her
the most promising CM around?

In a world without walls, why do we persist with Dravid?

Stuck in Convent Road for 30 mins. I think its called convent road
because it's liked by 'nun'.

Katrina is the most googled actress? WTF? Am sure half the searches
were for the hurricane.

Petition filed to ban Google Earth because terrorists used it. Why not
ban dry fruits too, as the terrorists were eating it?

CPM ties up with AIADMK. Doesn't Karat realize that if you jumble
AIADMK & CPM you get "Pick mad ma"

The only reason Barkha still has her job is the fact that her name is
an anagram of Khabar.

Vilas Rao Deshmukh says that Ram Gopal Verma is not a terrorist. He
obviously hasn't seen RGV Ki Aag.

All politicians in India will finally come together because they have
found a common enemy - the public.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Cost cutting!!!---

Anyone for cost cutting.....

Think this is the best one so far...

reality of IT

Doobte hue aadmi ne
Pull par chalte hue aadmi ko
Aawaz lagayi "bachao bachao"
Pull par chalte aadmi ne neeche
Rassi fenki aur kaha aaoo...

Nadi mein dobta hua aadmi
Rassi nahi pakad pa raha tha
Rah rah kar chillaa raha tha
Mein marna nahi chahta
Zindagi badi mehengi hai
Kal hi to meri ek MNC mein naukri lagi hai..

Itna sunte hi pul par chalte
Aadmi ne apni rassi kheench li
Aur bhagte bhagte wo MNC gaya
Usne wahan ke HR ko bataya ki
Abhi abhi ek aadmi doobkar mar gaya hai
Aur is tarah aapki company mein
Ek jagah khali kar gaya hai...

Mein berozgaar hoon muje le lo...
HR boli dost tumne der kar di,
ab se kuch der Pehle humne us aadmi ko lagaya hai
Jo usse dhakka de kar tumse pehle yahan aaya hai !!!

BEST message for todays times

*Most Probably The Best Mail I Have Ever Read/Received:*

As a daily habit Pintu was reading newspaper.

Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance
System' ? "

"It's like..." father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money to
home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to
spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home
is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a
'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next
Generation', understand?".

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he
woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was
crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu
went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping
with the maid. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the
'Governance System'? ".

Pintu replied, "Yeah Dad, I understood! When Money Holder is exploiting
Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for
not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is
suffering!"

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

What kind of employee are u

Aries Employee Profile (March 20 - April 19)

Aries employees make excellent troubleshooters. They’ll usually want to be out in the field at a variety of different work sites fixing things. They certainly won't be happy for very long behind a desk in a 9 to 5 schedule. The bored Aries employee who has been forced into a square hole will typically be restless, angry, and careless with details. No amount of money would compensate for being stuck in a routine job. Money in fact isn't why they are working at all. They do want to be paid fairly and need a status position to satisfy their competitive tendencies--but even more importantly, they'll want challenging new projects They typically like to have a sense of responsibility and need to feel needed. In return, they'll give their all and provide detailed, consistent work. They will literally work themselves to exhaustion to prove themselves. If you want to keep your Aries co- worker productive and happy, you'll want to give them the opportunity to work independently or let them help and lead less experienced workers.

Taurus Employee Profile (April 20 - May 20)

Taureans make some of the best employees. They are loyal, hardworking, and no-nonsense. They work methodically and follow projects through until they are complete.
Some may appear to work a little too slowly-usually because they are so careful-but they will always finish what they start. They thrive on structure, schedules, and routine. You'll find them doing the same exact thing at the same time every day. Taureans, however, are not exactly the malleable workers that they often appear to be. If they have to work in a chaotic environment, they won't be happy and will be prone to child-like temper tantrums and stubbornness. They might react similarly if they have to work around ignorant people or at a job where there is no obvious potential for advancement. Taureans will be very unhappy if there isn't a ladder for them to climb. Even in the worst situations, they will find a way to advance slowly, winning over the most difficult people who may stand in their way of progress. Taurus employees will only take so much patiently and happily before they feel they are being taken advantage of. They will gladly accept orders and do whatever dirty work needs to get done, but they expect rewards. They want material gain, salary increases, and the potential for more power. To make your Taurus employees happy, be sure to give them projects through which they will see tangible results-hopefully something that will allow them to express their unique creativity in addition to their practical side. They don't want to feel mired in details for long periods of time. Make sure to schedule regular performance and salary reviews. This show of respect should keep them loyal to the company.

Gemini Employee Profile (May 21 - June 21)

Gemini employees can have difficulty concentrating on one thing for long periods of time.
They have quick-moving minds and love to talk and communicate their ideas with others. They thrive on social interaction -- even if their jobs don't particularly support it. You'll be able to find them wandering from desk to desk gossiping about all the sordid news in the office. They can be powerful persuaders in their speech and make ideal salespeople and mediators. They love to negotiate and can work out the best Deal for everyone involved. When properly stimulated, they can manage to keep their wandering mind focused and actually be quite productive. When they are bored, bogged down with mundane detail-work, or forced to work with people who they consider droll, they can become mean-spirited and gossipy. Their moods can fluctuate vastly day to day, as well as their productivity. It is really against t heir nature to be forced into an average workday schedule and environment. They are happier traveling. If they are in an office they will need constant new stimulation. Most will want advancement if they see this as a way to escape the limitations of their jobs. This can motivate them to put extra effort into their job. If you work with a Gemini, try to avoid getting into any debates with them they will surely win and it could end in some hard feelings on your part. They will need an accepting environment-one that supports their need for multi-tasking.

Cancer Employee Profile (June 22 - July 21)

The Cancer employee isn't at work to feed their ego -- their job is just a job and a means to get paid. They work steadily and are usually very reliable. You'll be able to depend on them to show up on time and do what is necessary. They won't get involved in power struggles or get upset when someone advances before them. They are able to accept the situation because they see it simply as a rung on the ladder up. Their motivation is security. They'll want more money the longer they've stayed at a job. They don't want to have to worry about how they'll make ends meet tomorrow so they'll need a stable position without much risk. Cancerian workers can slip into some dark moods on occasion. During these periods productivity tends to drop-as well as everyone else's in the office. Their moods can be so strong everyone becomes affected. To avoid the frequency of these occurrences, managers and co-workers should try to make the work environment as homey as possible-keep it well heated, cozy, and friendly. Don't press them to reveal their true inner thoughts-their tendency is to be secretive and protective, and they could see prying as an attempt to disturb their security.

Leo Employee Profile (July 22 - August 21)

Leo workers want to be first and at the center of the office. Even if they can't lead, they'll look for every opportunity to increase their own status and if someone else seems ahead of them, look out. They will make it clear that they aren't happy by pouting and complaining. They want advancement so much that they'll take on more responsibility and carry a heavier load than anyone else does in the office. And they are self-promoters. It is likely that they are telling everyone in the office what a great job they are doing as well as giving everyone unwanted advice. They know they are superior and want everyone to know it as well. This arrogance can sometimes cause problems when working with management. But typically, they are just hard workers out to demonstrate just how good they really are. They thrive in sales positions - they can promote a product or company just as well as they promote themselves. Their strength and arrogance isn't just show either. In a crisis situation, Leos really demonstrate their true courage. Leos want to lead and will be pushing for more responsibility and rewards. They are happy to train and mentor new co- workers as they enjoy giving advice and being in positions of authority. If you are trying to manage a Leo employee, you'll need to give them plenty of praise, responsibility, and independence. They will certainly want to help lighten your load of management responsibilities. Just be careful- the next thing you know they could be taking over your job.

Virgo Employee Profile (August 22 - September 22)

In the right situations Virgos love to work. They make ideal employees, happily working late into the night to make sure everything is perfect and in order. If you are looking for an employee who doesn't mind starting from rock bottom in the most entry-level position at the company, hire a Virgo. They'll have no complaints about the position being beneath them. They are CONTENT with basic, honest hard work. Their contentment isn't always apparent, however. They love to complain and worry. They are quick to criticize the way things are done around the office and are the first ones to grumble disapprovingly at what they consider to be extravagance or laziness. They are blunt and honest and don't mince words over what they feel just isn't right. Usually, this will be brought on by someone doing a half-baked job or not being considerate of other co-workers. You'll want to constantly reassure them, but this will do little to quell their anxieties. They actually enjoy worrying, and there is little you can do about it. Just give them a detail - oriented project and let them work alone on it. You won't have to supervise a Virgo worker. They'll check all the facts before getting started and catch their own errors when they are done. To keep a Virgo employee happy, you should also make sure their environment is orderly and calm. You should also provide small gestures of appreciation. They don't need extravagance; just let them know you appreciate them in small ways that won't embarrass them. They will probably just shrug their shoulders and say, "It's no big deal." But deep down inside they need these little reassurances.

Libra Employee Profile (September 23 - October 22)

Libra employees are detailed, dedicated workers with sensitive natures. Managers and co-workers sometimes find them difficult to get a handle on. They pick up the energy of the office and are unable to prevent it from affecting them. Loud noise, flashy colors, and discordant vibrations will put them off so much that they will have difficulty fulfilling their obligations at work. One day they may seem like the most bright, hardworking, ambitious employee around. The next day they might be down, irritated, and unable to produce. Co-workers shouldn't fret when Libra employees are in a dark mood. It really won't last, as a happy state of mind can come over them just as quickly. When Libra employees are in a balanced frame of mind, they can be a powerful presence at work-they have a way of gracing everything they touch. Underneath that mess of moods, they really are basically happy and stable people. They are capable of profound logical thought and evaluate all sides of a situation before acting. They are one of the most intelligent Signs around. They are expert researchers and mediators. And their sensitivity to their environment makes them naturals at keeping things looking great. They will easily help others resolve conflicts and can act as a go-between with workers and management so that everyone ends up happy. If you want to keep your Libran worker smiling, give them the respect they are due and put them in a position where they can project their great charm and diplomacy. They won't be CONTENT to take orders for very long, either- make sure they are given increased responsibility.

Scorpio Employee Profile (October 23 - November 21)

Scorpio employees usually exude a quiet self-confidence. They are self-sufficient and do not depend on others for a sense of self-worth. They keep their private life separate from work and take complete responsibility for their actions and their situation. They don't make excuses; they just take care of business and expect everyone else to do the same. Those who don't, co- workers and managers- will have to endure the Scorpio wrath. They don't mind being completely vocal about what they feel is wrong with any given situation. And if you tread on their fire be sure to expect retaliation. They won't take insults or opposition lying down. If you manage a Scorpio employee, be sure to follow through with your word and don't break any promises-Scorpio is keeping track and building up some heavy resentments against you if you do. You may not even be aware of it until too late-but when Scorpio gets too much, you'll be sure to know. Scorpio employees will react towards those around them exactly as they are treated. When they get what they want, they will be very accepting. If you are trying to work with or motivate a Scorpio co-worker, be sure to treat them respectfully and act professionally. Give them challenging work that allows them to utilize their awesome self-confidence and courage.

Sagittarius Employee Profile (November 22 - December 21)

The Sagittarian employee is head strong, cheerful, and willing to help. They exude self-confidence and take on tasks like there's no tomorrow. They are willing to tackle even the toughest of projects as long as it is challenging and gets them out of the routine. Lucky for them, their shining personalities and honest enthusiasm seem like a bright spot in the office- otherwise co-workers might begin to build animosity towards someone so arrogant and extravagant. Their tendency to exaggerate and take on more then they can handle usually results in missed deadlines and dropping the ball-not because they are lazy of procrastinate, but because their enthusiasm just gets the better of them sometimes. Don't let their nonchalance fool you-they really do care about what they are doing. They just have an easy-going attitude that allows them to keep on smiling even when they just messed up big time. Just because they are flexible and easy-going doesn't mean they won't tell you exactly how they feel-what is working for them and what isn't. And they won't just blindly take orders - they need to understand the method and reason behind the process. If you are trying to motivate your Sagittarian employee, be sure to feed them plenty of challenging new projects and hint that some business trips might be on the horizon once deadlines are met. And whatever you do, try not to question their intentions - it is the quickest way to make them upset. They aren't capable of deceit.

Capricorn Employee Profile (December 22 - January 20)

A Capricorn employee with too much to do is a happy worker. They need plenty of projects and responsibility. There is no sadder sight than a Capricorn worker without a sense of responsibility. They need to be needed. They are covertly ambitious - usually not flashy or obvious about it-but you will usually know that they are serious and determined about advancing themselves. They are completely scrupulous, so much so that they can be self-disparaging. But they are no pushovers. They can wear down even the toughest customers. Their persistence is incredible. Once they set their sights on a goal, they work away at it until the bitter end-whether the goal is that hard sell or the new hardware release. Capricorns don't work for free, however. They expect to be paid handsomely and be given more and more responsibility. They need to come out ahead of the pack in the end, and they see the work environment as their primary vehicle. They won't go in for the typical office gossip and politics, though. They want to get down to business at work and see it as no place for fooling around. With a strong sense of duty and respect towards their superiors, it is rare they will join in on boss-bashing or knocking the system. They can get frustrated, however, with blue sky management schemes that lack common sense, and they will interject their dry sense of humor in the most critical ways. If they want change, they will be unyielding. If all their effort leads to naught the result will be deep moods of darkness and depression with a sense of hopelessness. Keep your Capricorn employee happy by paying them fairly and giving them plenty of hard work. Arrange for a path of advancement within your organization for them. If you don't, you might find them looking for other opportunities.

Aquarius Employee Profile (January 21 - February 19)

The Aquarius employee can't tolerate unfairness in the office. Hair brained schemes will get the positive attention they deserve if an Aquarian has anything to do with it. They'll try to help everyone see the good side of a bad situation if it's the last thing that they do.
They are so smart-they can't help but hold management in disdain if they feel that they are being unfair and unintelligent. It isn't that they are overly ambitious and think they could be doing a better job- just that they think people in power should know better.
Most Aquarius workers are still looking for themselves and will want to try their hand at a variety of jobs in the workplace. Whatever they are doing, they will do conscientiously. They usually have strict personal codes that include a strong work ethic. Their bright, off-beat intelligence and trustwothiness will typically gain them many friends-in and out of work. Beneath that sometimes odd-ball behavior is solid, concrete thinking and sensitivity to co-workers. Keep your smart Aquarius co-worker happy by giving them plenty of opportunity to learn news kills. Raises are less important to them. No amount of money will make it worth their while to stay in a stagnant position. Don't let them get too bored or they will simply find another job as easily as they found this one-their genius is easy to spot.

Pisces Employee Profile (February 20 - March 19)

The Pisces employee can be a loyal and hard-working, if unconventional, worker. In the right position, they are able to keep their daydreams in check and buckle down on the detail work-giving their all to the boss and corporation whom they feel are worthy of devotion. On the flip side, there is no image of extreme misery like that of an ill-placed Pisces worker. They will act as though their cubicle were a prison cell as they daydream of their own business or next vacation. Unhappy Pisces workers usually won't stick around too long. Often Pisceans will drift from one job to another looking for that ideal environment to which they will be able to commit and feel a sense of purpose. And if things are going in a bad direction at the office, Pisces will be the first to sense it. They'd rather pick up and leave then wait until the problem reaches a head. Pisces are often misunderstood by their co-workers. Typically timid and introspective, they usually keep their true nature hidden, for fear it wouldn't fit with the corporate culture. What motivates a Pisces employee to not only stick around but also excel? Try compliments. And show them how their work impacts the entire organization. They need to know that what they are doing is worth something on a grander scale. Acceptance of their unconventional organization and planning will be necessary. Just because their sales report isn't in the typical format doesn't mean it is any less effective. Keep their environment bright and upbeat; and an after-work cocktail wouldn't hurt.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Recession?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Governance System

As a daily habit, the 10-year Old Pintu was reading newspaper.

Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System' ? "
"Its Like..." father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money to home, means I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'.

That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next Generation', understand?".

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maid's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning father asked Pintu, "Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the 'Governance System'?".
Pintu replied, " Yeah Dad, I understood! When money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is suffering!"